Monday, September 26, 2016

How to Deal With The Betrayal of Others




“Sometimes we expect more from others because
 we are willing to do that much more for them.”
-Unknown

We have all felt disillusioned by someone we love. We have all felt betrayed. It’s part of our life experience on earth. It’s what makes us learn and grow. Currently someone I love deeply is going through the grief of disappointment. She is feeling she has gave too much to someone she loves and should not be dealing with the betrayal of this person. This blog post is dedicated to her and to you if you are dealing with the disappointments of others in your life. It’s not easy to accept this, but the faster you let go of expectations of others the sooner you will move on. Here are some tips for dealing with life setbacks.

It’s not them it’s you.
I believe that you should have positive expectations for people and in everything you do. The only problem is that there may be times when we will be disappointed with loved ones. In your mind you think that people see the world through your eyes, but the fact is that they don’t. When we set high expectations based on what we would do, we will encounter disappointment. Again, it’s based on the differences of world views. I am not suggesting that you don’t set high expectations for others, but know that you don’t have the power how they will respond in the future. If they fail you, it speaks to their character not to yours. In the end is how you deal with the disappointment or the person that has disillusioned you is what matters.

Be clear with your expectations.
When you assume that someone understands your expectations you are setting yourself for future disappointment. Be clear on your expectations. Tell them what you expect to happen out of your relationship. If it’s a familial relationship put the cards out on the table. In a professional or friendship relationship you should do the same. Now the trick is to understand that if they do disappoint, you will be just fine! The key to being alright is to not take it personally, remember they are showing you who they are. They are giving you what they believe they stand for. It’s their integrity on the line. Integrity, is a virtue that many aspire to have, but few actually do.

Be honest with your feelings.
It’s ok to express what you are feeling without blaming others. Understand, it’s your expectations of who you thought they should be that brought the disappointment. Don’t nag or blame them for your unhappiness. Only you have the power to change it. Focus on you. Know that this too shall pass and that you will be just fine.

Accept who they are.
To change oneself is one of the most difficult and beautiful things one can do for ourselves. Unfortunately, you cannot expect to change anybody. You may influence change in others by your actions, but it’s up to them to be who they desire to be, so accept them. Accept them without compromising who you are. Remember, life is short to be hanging around people who do not meet your sense of integrity. If you have family or friends that are constantly showing you who they are eliminate any high expectation you may have. Give everyone in your life the benefit of the doubt, but believe them when they show you who they truly are.

Learn the lesson to not repeat it.
In my relationships, I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I never assume anybody will disappoint me until they do. When they do, I quickly learn the lesson so that I may not repeat it! You, may think I give up quickly, but I know my time on this world is limited and don’t have much time for nonsense. How can you give up on someone who has given up on themselves? If a loved one has betrayed you, and they don’t understand why you may have changed, they may not be worthy of a second chance. For some people this concept is hard to accept, if you feel you need to take the lesson again, by all means repeat it. But please be ready to move on!

In conclusion, don’t expect that the people you love will never disappoint you. It’s part of life, it’s part of growth. Even though, be mindful of the people that constantly betray you. People that you have invested a great deal of time in, you may need to give more opportunities to redeem themselves, but then be ready to move on! Believe that if you are a person with integrity, you will attract the same kind of people to your life. Also, remember that major life betrayals can be hurtful, but will make you stronger and they shall pass. Until next time, Believe. Change. Become!

NancyJ

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