Monday, September 26, 2016

How to Deal With The Betrayal of Others




“Sometimes we expect more from others because
 we are willing to do that much more for them.”
-Unknown

We have all felt disillusioned by someone we love. We have all felt betrayed. It’s part of our life experience on earth. It’s what makes us learn and grow. Currently someone I love deeply is going through the grief of disappointment. She is feeling she has gave too much to someone she loves and should not be dealing with the betrayal of this person. This blog post is dedicated to her and to you if you are dealing with the disappointments of others in your life. It’s not easy to accept this, but the faster you let go of expectations of others the sooner you will move on. Here are some tips for dealing with life setbacks.

It’s not them it’s you.
I believe that you should have positive expectations for people and in everything you do. The only problem is that there may be times when we will be disappointed with loved ones. In your mind you think that people see the world through your eyes, but the fact is that they don’t. When we set high expectations based on what we would do, we will encounter disappointment. Again, it’s based on the differences of world views. I am not suggesting that you don’t set high expectations for others, but know that you don’t have the power how they will respond in the future. If they fail you, it speaks to their character not to yours. In the end is how you deal with the disappointment or the person that has disillusioned you is what matters.

Be clear with your expectations.
When you assume that someone understands your expectations you are setting yourself for future disappointment. Be clear on your expectations. Tell them what you expect to happen out of your relationship. If it’s a familial relationship put the cards out on the table. In a professional or friendship relationship you should do the same. Now the trick is to understand that if they do disappoint, you will be just fine! The key to being alright is to not take it personally, remember they are showing you who they are. They are giving you what they believe they stand for. It’s their integrity on the line. Integrity, is a virtue that many aspire to have, but few actually do.

Be honest with your feelings.
It’s ok to express what you are feeling without blaming others. Understand, it’s your expectations of who you thought they should be that brought the disappointment. Don’t nag or blame them for your unhappiness. Only you have the power to change it. Focus on you. Know that this too shall pass and that you will be just fine.

Accept who they are.
To change oneself is one of the most difficult and beautiful things one can do for ourselves. Unfortunately, you cannot expect to change anybody. You may influence change in others by your actions, but it’s up to them to be who they desire to be, so accept them. Accept them without compromising who you are. Remember, life is short to be hanging around people who do not meet your sense of integrity. If you have family or friends that are constantly showing you who they are eliminate any high expectation you may have. Give everyone in your life the benefit of the doubt, but believe them when they show you who they truly are.

Learn the lesson to not repeat it.
In my relationships, I always give people the benefit of the doubt. I never assume anybody will disappoint me until they do. When they do, I quickly learn the lesson so that I may not repeat it! You, may think I give up quickly, but I know my time on this world is limited and don’t have much time for nonsense. How can you give up on someone who has given up on themselves? If a loved one has betrayed you, and they don’t understand why you may have changed, they may not be worthy of a second chance. For some people this concept is hard to accept, if you feel you need to take the lesson again, by all means repeat it. But please be ready to move on!

In conclusion, don’t expect that the people you love will never disappoint you. It’s part of life, it’s part of growth. Even though, be mindful of the people that constantly betray you. People that you have invested a great deal of time in, you may need to give more opportunities to redeem themselves, but then be ready to move on! Believe that if you are a person with integrity, you will attract the same kind of people to your life. Also, remember that major life betrayals can be hurtful, but will make you stronger and they shall pass. Until next time, Believe. Change. Become!

NancyJ

Monday, September 19, 2016

Stop Loving on Social Media!


"Life can be found only in the present moment."

-Thick Nhat Hanh

How was your weekend? Was it a weekend of connection? A connection to someone else’s soul, or a connection to the virtual world? This weekend, I celebrated eleven years of marriage with my amazing husband Carlos. I am not much for celebrating “special events” because I believe everyday should be special. So, I make it a habit to tell the people that I love how much I love them today, not just valentine’s day, Christmas or anniversaries. It’s about today! Regardless, we made reservations to our favorite restaurant to try to find a deeper connection, on our special day. As we approach our table I notice there were other couples trying to connect. Unfortunately, not with each other, but with the virtual world. Many couples were looking at their cell phones. As if what was on their phones was more interesting than the person they were with. I pointed this out to my husband and he joked that maybe they were checking in. Letting the Facebook world know that they were having a fabulous time. When in reality what my husband and I were seeing was quite the opposite.

This made me think about the topic for today. Are you connecting with the people you love? I mean really connecting? In your family do you have a policy that at dinner time you focus on each other? When you spend time with others, are you constantly checking social media? If you are you are lacking human connection. Here are three tips on how to connect spiritually so you may have a more meaningful life!

Set time to connect with loved ones.
It is very important in my family to have time to connect every day. I have discovered that dinner time is connection time! When we have dinner in my home, we turn of all electronic devices. This is a time to simply talk about our day. I ask my children to share two of their favorite parts of the day, and one challenge. My children have gotten so used to this routine, that they have reminded me to turn off the TV if I have not done so, when I am done cooking! It works for us because this has become a habit. They understand this is family connection time, not virtual world connection time!

Drop that phone!
I have not done this, but I have seen friends that have a tub where cell phones could be dropped during a party. I think it’s a great idea! If you have an issue with this at family functions or parties designate a phone drop box for the evening. Tell your guests that you really value them and want to really connect without distractions. Some will argue that they may need in case of an emergency, I would say that if they are expecting an emergency, then they should stay where the emergency would happen. In reality a few hours of no phone interruptions will not harm anybody.

Focus on the NOW.
When you are having a conversation with someone. Focus on being present. Put your phone on vibrate and give them undivided attention. Whatever is happening out there, you will be able to get to soon enough. Also, if you are trying to have a conversation with someone who is focusing on the virtual world, bring it to their attention and don’t attempt to engage unless they are giving you the attention you deserve. Remember you teach others how to treat you! Teach them to treat you well by focusing on you on hundred percent, because you deserve it!

In conclusion, there are many benefits to connecting with the outside world. I have been blessed to have connected to some super amazing people. But I have concluded that social media can take us away from our loved ones. Remember we are only here for a very short period of time. Make the best of it by truly connecting to others souls. Show them that you value them, by stay focus and present. Love your loved ones in the flesh not on social media! Until next time, Believe. Change. Become!


NancyJ

Monday, September 12, 2016

Where Are You With Your Dreams? All In or All Out?


"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams!
Live the life you've imagined."
-Thoreau

Last week I was in a networking event. While mingling a sweet, kind, gentle woman approached me and asked, “What do you do?” “I help people come alive!” I responded. “How do you do that?” she asked. “By helping them remember their passion.” “You’re like a dream whisper!” she told me. “Yes! That is what I am!” I told her.  We both laughed and exchanged business cards and promised to reconnect this week! This conversation made me think about dreams and the stages of dreams. Do you still believe in your dreams? Where are you in your dreams? Are you pursuing them? All in? In the middle? All out? Today, I want to talk about not only believing in your dreams, but truly committing yourself to being all in, because this is the stage that will put you in a state of bliss. Here are three tips for making dreams come true.

Admit you have dreams and life goals.
The first step in making dreams come true is to admit you have dreams. How do you do this? By telling yourself that you are worthy of dreams. Many times we are told when we are young to, “stop dreaming” “to get out of the cloud.” “In your dreams!” we are reminded. In essence to be a dreamer is considered to be a waste of time, because it would never happen. This develops a sense that you are not worthy of being a dreamer or a goal seeker. Let me remind you it’s your human right to be a dreamer, but it’s most important to go after them.

Take a small step.
I believe the hardest step to accomplishing dreams is the first step. Once you have identified your dreams, you must then take that first step that makes it more real. It’s the action of moving toward your life goals and dreams that make the come alive. When I decided to pursue my dream of “helping people come alive,” I started blogging. I was on a mission! What is one thing you can do today that will move your closer to your dreams? If you want to pursue your passion of cooking or photography, what can you do to be on your way? Could you take a culinary class? Could you take a photography class? It’s the little things that we do today that will make a big difference tomorrow.

You took the grand leap, now what?
You decided that you were all in with your dreams and took the grand leap, now what? Brace yourself and feel proud! Not many people plunge into the unknown all at once, but the ones who do, are in it for the ride of their lives. Taking a full leap is not recommended for everyone, but if you think it’s for you, go for it! The issue many people deal with when taking the grand leap is that there are many ups and downs. There are great doubts. You wonder if you did the right thing. You question your sanity! When you take the grand leap, you have to be mentally strong, you have to BELIEVE, that you will succeed. Keep your chin up beautiful and believe that you will prevail any obstacle that may come your way. This is the stage you must stay to make all your dreams come true. It's the hardest stage, but the stage where you will be reminded of your true essence.

So what will it be? Are you all in? In the middle? Or all out? My desire for you is to be all in! But I understand for many of us the first step is to actually remember our dreams. Wake them up! Take that first step, to eventually take the leap! Believe in your ability to make anything and everything possible by loving yourself and always seeking what makes you come alive. Until next time, BELIEVE. CHANGE. BECOME!

Nancy:)


PS. Let me know if I can support you in making all your dreams come true! Sending love and blessings your way!