Monday, July 18, 2016

How to Stop Self-Sabotaging Behaviors Before They Kill Your Dreams

"Self sabotage is when we say we want something 
and then go about making sure it does not happen."
-Alyce P. Cornyn-selby

I am becoming my worst enemy!  I am in the process of writing my book.  My goal is to have it done by December.  But at the rate I am going, I may never finish it!  It’s not writers block, it’s self-sabotage!  Apparently, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter are my partners in crime!  You see, the scheduled time that I have to write my book is very quickly interrupted by these memes!  “Oh let me just peak at Facebook to see what my friends had for lunch.” My inner critique tells me.  "What's happening on Instagram?" And forty-five minutes later I am posting comments!  Yes, I know that these time consuming tasks are taking away from my dream of becoming a published author.  I coach individuals on goal setting, time management and how being consistent with a set routine can bring success to any goal or dream you are desiring.  Yet, I am having an issue staying focused and keeping true to my own routine.  I feel that I’m procrastinating, because I am fearing success.  I am fearing the unknown.  My inner critique, tells me that I don’t need to be a published author.  That I will only be disappointed with the results.  That nobody will buy my book, that I am just wasting my time!  I have acknowledged my fears now it’s time to move forward and kill my fearful inner critique!  Can you relate to this?  Have you ever felt that you know what you need to do to accomplish a goal but you can’t seem to do it?  How many times have you acted against your self-interest?  Today, let’s talk about three things you and I, can do so that we stop self-sabotaging ourselves.

Look within.
In my case I had to seriously look within to see what my fears were.  I admit, that I am fearful of the unknown.  I am fearful of success!  Yet, what I fear the most is wondering, “What if?”  Currently, this has been one of my driving mantras, when I am questioning doing something new or conquering a fear.  At the end of my life I want to say, “I am glad I did that!” and not, “I wish I would have done that.” Why are you self-sabotaging your dreams?  What are your fears?  Face them and ignore that inner critique!  If you truly examine your motives for this self-destructive behavior, you can better conquer these fears.

Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Monitor your negative thinking.  Your inner critique may have some truth in what it is saying.  Yes, you have failed in the past.  You have made some silly mistakes, yet you have learned from them.  Let go of the past and forgive yourself.  Remember you can always try again and that is OK.  Focus on positive events that have made you feel successful.  Know that you are capable of bringing success to your life and stop that self-sabotaging behavior!  Whatever you BELIEVE you shall bring to yourself.  So BELIEVE the voice that tells you YOU GOT THIS, and YOU DESERVE THIS! 

Get out of your comfort zone.
If I want to become a published author, I must get out of my comfort zone!  It’s going to require me to truly dedicate many hours to this worthy endeavor, I will have to give up some Facebook, Instagram and Twitter but I know it will all be worth it!  What comforts do you need to give up to accomplish your goals and dreams?  Do you have to get up a little bit more early to work out, so that you can get the body of your dreams?  Do you have to give up some TV to focus more on your business? Whatever you are giving up can’t be better than accomplished dreams!  Somethings got to give!

Self-sabotaging behavior starts with negative self-talk.  Before you can conquer this self-sabotaging behavior you first have to acknowledge it.  Listen to your inner critique, but don’t believe everything it tells you!  Remember your strength and step out of your comfort zone!  It will not be easy to get out into unknown territories, but it’s more fun than known ones.  Last, but not least learn to forgive past mistakes or what I like to call lessons.  These lessons were given to you for a reason.  They have made you wiser and stronger and be grateful for that!  Until next time, Believe. Change. Become!


Monday, July 11, 2016

Don't Despair Your New Tribe Is On The Way!

"On your journey to your becoming you may loose friends, 
but you will also find your new tribe."

-Nancy Salmeron

Last week I met with a potential client.  She is an amazing woman, with big dreams!  When I asked her what her entrepreneurial journey had been like this far she mentioned that she was disappointed with her family and friends.  "What do you mean?" I asked.  She told me that she was not getting the support from friends and family the way she thought she would.  I told her that I could relate to her one hundred percent!  I told her that I also believed that I was going to get complete support from my loved one’s!  Unfortunately, I discovered that many people that you thought were going to be your biggest supporters are nowhere to be found when you are seeking their support.  In my case, realized that I may have made some people uncomfortable when I spoke about greatness, about not settling, not conforming, because I may have put the light on them.  This was devastating to me. I felt very alone. I was seeking validation and the people that were supposed to care where not around anymore! To encourage her to persevere with her life goals, I told her about something amazing that has happened to me in the process.  I told her that in the journey to entrepreneurship you will lose friends, but you will also find your new tribe and rediscover your strength! “Don’t despair when family members or friends don’t support your dreams!  The truth is that the only person that truly has to believe in you is YOU!”  I reaffirmed her.  She smiled and gave me a hug and we scheduled another appointment.  Here are four tips on how to remember your strength when people don’t support you.

Don’t back down from your dreams.
When you are feeling deserted you have to remember to not back down from pursing your dreams.  Remind yourself that you are destined for greatness and you will persevere with or without support from friends and family! In the end it will be you at the peak of the mountain and only you have to truly believe that you are capable of getting there! So, keep your head up beautiful and don’t back down!

Others can not relate to your journey.
The truth is that many people avoid getting out of their comfort zone due to fear.  And others may not have the desires you have, and that is o.k. We need to be respectful and understand that not everyone will understand your struggles or desires, because they may not have such lofty dreams.  Be patient and stay true to your path!

It’s not you, it’s them.
Sometimes when people don’t support you they may feel insecure around you.  They may feel you have changed, and they can’t relate to you anymore.  My potential client felt that her friends and family were jealous of her aspirations.  I told her that this may be the case, but I also feel that when people don’t support you it may be because you make them wonder about their existence.  They may have grand desires, but don’t pursue them because of fear.  Whatever it may be, it’s never about you and always about them!

You will find your new tribe.
One of the best things about pursuing your dreams is that you will find your new tribe!  In my book, that will be available next year, I have a whole chapter devoted to the amazing souls that have come into my life.  We are energy and you will find people with your energy, with your drive.  Be patient they will come!  I have been very blessed with my new support system.  It's my long distant friends from different parts of the world!  Who read my blog and who I hope to meet someday! And my new friends who understand the entrepreneurial struggle and that lift me up when I am down. You know who you are! We were destined to come together at this exact moment in time.  I am very grateful for their part in my journey!

My advice to you if you are feeling disappointed with the people that should support you but don’t is to find peace with it and accept it.  I believe that we all have an intention or purpose for each others lives.  The people that are no longer in journey were not supposed to be with you for ever!  They were intended to be in your life for a certain amount of time. Be grateful for their time in your life and let them go!  When you do this, you give room for your new tribe!  Don’t hold resentments, just let it be!  When I decided to give up expectations and believe in myself, I discovered my strength and I was free to conquer the world!  Until next time Believe. Change. Become!