Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Three Things to do When You Are Feeling Hopeless and Defeated

"Be strong because things will get better.
 It may be stormy now,
 but it never rains for ever."

I am amazed at the resilience of our human spirit. A few days ago as I walked in to my favorite coffee shop, and I met a stranger who became a friend. I normally don’t stay to drink my coffee, but something propelled me to stay this time. There on the table next to me was a woman with a gentle smile who said hello. I introduced myself and we started to get to know each other.

Her name was Sandy. Her husband had just passed away due to cancer and since she was a stay at home mom and had no formal income coming in she was in the process of losing her home. Her plans were to move in with her two children to her brother’s home and his family of five. I asked her how she was handling this very difficult situation, and she said, “I take it a day at a time, and count my blessings every day.” This made me think about the topic for today’s blog which is how to deal with hopeless times.

If you are going through difficult times this post is especially for you. There are three things that will carry you on when you are feeling hopeless and defeated.  They are to embrace change, to change your perspective and to always count your blessings.

Embrace or at least accept change.
Yup, accepting change is crucial in dealing with difficult times. It is my belief that one reason that we struggle with tragedies such as death, losing a job, separation or divorce in our lives is because we can’t accept that your life will never be the same. We are creatures of habit, we want to know what to expect and who to expect in our lives. So when that changes, we fight it and dwell on a past.  In my case most recently the death of my beloved cousin Sam. That was hard to comprehend or accept. I could not accept that she would not be part of my life. But I finally embraced it when I realized that she may not be part of my future, but will always be in my memories. I have great stories to tell about Sam, yet I understood that in accepting that she would not be in future made me move into a better place. Remember life is constant change and things always get better if you give it a chance!

Change your lens or perspective.
Zoom into a better lens! Some of the problems or tragedies in your life are a subset of all the other things that may be going on in your life. I know it’s difficult to change your lens when there is a death of a loved one, but with other problems you need to focus on the grand scheme of things. Fear of the unknown may pop up because of change, yet understand that unless you face fear you will not change your perspective to it. In my case with the death of Sam, I understood that cancer had made her body weak, and we had to let her go. It was no longer about us and how much we would miss her it was about her pain. By changing the lens on why she needed to give up to the fight, my perspective shifted into contentment and surrender. Sometimes it’s OK to surrender the fight in order to shift that perspective.

Remember to count your blessings.
This may sound like a cliché, yet it’s always best practice when dealing with difficult times. I don’t know where I heard this, “It could have been worse,” saying but it’s true. If you look around there are blessing to count. In the case of Sandy it could have been worst if she did not have her brother, she could have been homeless with her two children. Sandy told me that she was also grateful for the support of her friends.  In Sam’s case, it could have been worse if she had suffered longer than she did with chemo. I miss her, but I am happy she is no longer in pain. Count your blessings if you are going through tough times and don’t forget that in due time this too shall pass, because remember nothing is forever and you have the spirit of a lion!

In conclusion, your problems or your life’s difficulties come to you to teach you something and to remind you of your strength. Whatever you are going through or will go through is given to you because you can handle it! Have faith in yourself to find the strength by accepting change, changing your lens, and counting your blessings! Until next Monday, Believe. Change. Become.

P.S. I am very excited to tell you that my Website is up and running! The problem is that all my past blogs have disappeared on my domain. So I am on until I figure out the glitch. Thank you for your patience and for taking time to read my blog. J

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