Monday, March 25, 2019

Where Do We Find Joy?

“You do not find true joy in the past or in the future. When you immerse yourself in the present moment, you discover that joy is in the now.”
—Nancy Salmeron
“What would bring true joy into your life?” I asked a potential client, who was considering doing coaching with me.
“I don’t know— traveling the world, being financially stable, having my dream home, having a husband,” she answered.  
“Did you know that true joy is not found outside of you but within you?” I said. “What you desire will not bring you authentic joy if you are not happy and content right now. Yes, having all these desires met can enhance your joy, but happiness is not found in money and things or even other people. True happiness is knowing how to appreciate every moment of your life now. In addition, authentic happiness can be found by staying where you are and finding joy and appreciation in the everyday.” I told her, “You do not find true joy in the past or in the future. When you immerse yourself in the present moment, you discover that joy is in the now.”

I believe that many people give up much of their lives and lose sight of their happiness because they can’t seem to disconnect themselves from the past or the future. For example, look at your life right now. Do you have food, shelter, and connections with loving individuals who have your back? You are blessed! Joy is there. Joy escapes you because you are too focused on what you lack, instead of focusing on all your blessings. I am not suggesting that you not seek world travel, financial stability, or a dream home. I am saying that many people make the mistake of believing happiness is isolated. They believe happiness is a dream vacation, money, or a new home. If you believe that happiness is only found in a few specific events, then you have only isolated and limited times for joy to come into your life. But what brings you joy the rest of your life? What brings you joy when the vacation is over, the money is spent, and the home is no longer new? Some of my clients stay stuck in the past because that is where they encountered joy at one time. Many live with the hope that they will find true happiness somewhere in the distant future. Today, let’s talk about igniting your happiness and discovering true joy in the life you already have.  

Find joy in your now.
We are constantly searching for joy. When someone asks you what you desire, how do you respond? Many people respond, “I just want to be happy.” When I ask people what they desire, and they respond to me like that, I always ask for more specifics. Then they say, “I want a better house, a new car, a new job.” At that point, I always remind my clients that joy is not only found in the future. Joy is found in the now. You can find joy in waking up and drinking a cup of coffee. Or you can discover joy in sending your kids off to school. True joy is in these everyday moments that make up your life. Yes, follow your dreams, accomplish all of your goals and desires, but don’t wait to be happy. The fact that you are breathing is a reason for joy!

Stop looking to the past and the future to discover joy.
Many people experienced joy in the past, so they feel that the past is the only place that joy resides. Others may feel that joy lives in the future. They think, “When I get married, finish my degree, and get that perfect job then I will be truly happy.” If you stumbled onto joy in the past, wonderful! But the past is gone and is not coming back. If you are wishing to discover joy in the future, I must remind you that your future is not guaranteed. Appreciate your joyous past and only expect the best for your future but immerse yourself in the beautiful now. Don’t desire to be anywhere else but in the now.

Have a joyful mind.
Joy is also found in your thoughts. As Margaret Thatcher, first female prime minister of England, once said,
“Watch your thoughts for they become words. Watch your words for they become actions. Watch your actions for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become your character. And watch your character, for it becomes your destiny. What we think we become.”
So, if you become what you think, why not engage only in beautiful thoughts? Fill your mind only with joyful thoughts that uplift you!

Surround yourself with positive, joyful people.
Joy is influenced by the people in your life. We can’t choose our family, but if they take away your joy, you should limit your time with them. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and make you feel great about yourself. Joyful people tend to elevate your vibrations of positive energy and call authentic happiness to your life. You are the company that you keep, so make sure you are in good company.
If you are present and finding gratitude in the life you are living now, joy will appear in your life. Let go of the past and stop waiting for the future to find joy. True joy is waiting for you in waking up to a rainy day and drinking your cup of coffee. A life of joy is not made up of grand events. It’s made up moment by moment. It is up to you to find the joy in every moment. Until next time, Believe. Change. Become.
Sending many blessings and much love your way!


Monday, March 18, 2019

How to Let Your Inner Child Connect You to a More Joyful Life

“As we warm our hearts and get excited about life, 
we will stop feeling so jaded and will eventually find more joy in life.”
—Nancy Salmeron

My daughter, Miranda, celebrated her eleventh birthday recently. She is growing up and developing her own self-awareness and independence. We asked her how she wanted to celebrate her eleventh birthday this year. For the first time in eleven years she said she wanted something intimate with six of her closest friends and not a grand event with fifty plus people. I have a large family, so we normally have big parties for her birthday. These parties have been filled with lots of work. There is work before the party, during the party, and after the party. I have enjoyed the gathering and connecting of family and friends, but I felt relief that for the first time I did not have to entertain so many people.

Miranda’s desire for her eleventh birthday celebration was to have a very small and intimate craft party. Yes! I was very excited for her and for myself. I knew the party would be lots of fun, but I did not know how seeing my daughter interact with her friends and being part of their vibrant energy would touch my heart. I loved watching my daughter interact with her friends. They were very bubbly, full of energy, hilarious, and lots of fun. I also enjoyed watching their creativity and how each girl approached every project. Some of the girls were very focused and cautious with their projects; others were free and flowing. As I watched them tackle different activities, I wondered who these young girls would become. I wondered about their spirits and where those young, eleven-year-old, careless spirits would go. I wondered if they would love the women they transform into. Will they love themselves? Will they be proud of who they are? Will they live vivacious lives?
I was so in awe of their beautiful energy that I started to question where that energy and joy goes as we grow up. Where does that innocent and carefree view of life go? As young girls we are in a hurry to grow up, never realizing that as adults we seek to be young, joyful, and carefree again. Our goal as adults is to feel free and have a vivacious and full life. As young girls we don’t make that a goal because we simply feel free. Today, I want to explore the topic of feeling and being free. How do we get our innocence back? How do we wake up excited with life and go with the flow of it, not against it? How do we get back to basics and rediscover the joy of an eleven-year-old girl or boy? Here is how.

Be excited about everything!
To get your younger self back you must treat everything with awe and excitement. Young children are naturally fascinated with everything because it’s all new to them. Adults become jaded with our world because we feel we have seen it all and done it all. But have we really? Let’s stop being so jaded and get excited about a new day. Remember that what you seek is what you will find. Expect your days to be filled with new possibilities and watch that become a reality.

Let your imagination be limitless.
As I watched my daughter’s friends engage in the party activities, they were aware of their environment and were engaged in the present. Their imaginations were limitless. They created out of their souls and were not limited by the materials provided. These young girls improvised and used their imaginations. They solved problems because their imaginations focused on solutions, not problems. Young minds stay young because they are always curious and seeking. Let this be you.

Don’t care what others think of you.
For the most part, when you are a child and have good self-esteem, you don’t care what other people think. Having good self-esteem as a child means that you don’t obsess about the clothes you wear or what your hair looks like. This is true freedom. I am not saying that you should not want to wear nice clothes or brush your hair; I am simply saying to be you. If you enjoy fashion and nice hair, be fashionable and get nice haircuts. But don’t ever feel pressured into being something you are not.  Don’t let others or the world dictate your life.

Don’t worry about tomorrow.
As adults we lose our joy by focusing too much on the past or the future. Have goals, set dreams, but live in the moment. If you work toward your goals and dreams, they will become a reality. Don’t be fearful about what will be. Remember, everything always works out for your greater good. Young people are not wondering about the future or stuck in the past. For the most part, when they are playing, they are focusing their attention on the present moment.

To reconnect with your young soul, who was full of life and joy, you must actively seek her. You do this by being present and aware of your environment and being excited about every experience. Use your imagination and get creative with your life. Drop what others think of you because their opinions truly don’t matter. Let go of the past, focus on your future, but don’t forget to stay present to fully enjoy your life. If as adults we can incorporate more child-like behaviors, we can connect with our souls and warm our hearts. As we warm our hearts and get excited about life, we will stop feeling so jaded and will eventually find more joy in life. Young children really do know the secret to life. It’s up to us to reconnect to our inner child who truly knows the way! Until next time, Believe. Change. Become.
Sending many blessings and much love your way!


Monday, March 11, 2019

New Year’s Resolutions All Year Long

Setting new goals and implementing change does not need to happen only in January. Life goals can be executed every day anytime of the year!
—Nancy Salmeron
How are your New Year’s resolutions coming along? By the time you read this blog eighty-percent of people who had a New Year’s resolution will have failed to keep it.
 A new year may be the start of a new chapter in your life. You can get rid of the old and embrace the new. While New Year’s resolutions seem like a great idea, many people fail to keep them within the first weeks of trying to achieve ambitious goals. Many of us fail to keep New Year’s resolutions because our goals were too big or too broad. We are looking for quick results, so we tend to get discouraged when we fail to achieve a goal the first time. Some fail to keep New Year’s resolutions because they imagine they will have a size six body in a few weeks. We don’t see fast results and so we give up. Not having a plan for how you will accomplish your resolutions is also a sure way to fail. Lacking self-belief and determination can also detour you from your new year’s goals. These and many other reasons may stop you from being successful with your New Year’s resolutions.
Therefore, I don’t believe in New Year resolutions. I understand why resolutions are important for many people, but I don’t believe that every time a new year comes around is the only time for change or creating a better you. Applying change and desiring a new you are available for you all throughout the year. You may start creating a healthier you in October or November. You may decide to have a better relationship with yourself today. Change and resolutions should not be limited to January. Change should be implemented any time you desire to write a new chapter or sentence in your book of life. Today, let’s not talk about New Year’s resolutions. Let’s talk about how to implement change and how to succeed with change anytime during the year!

Recognize what is not working in your life.
Don’t wait for January 1 to apply change. If you are not getting the results you are seeking or what you desire, it’s okay to seek change any month of the year. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. When you need different results for your life, you must first identify what is not working for you and what you need to change to get better results in your life. Change is scary and uncomfortable, but to grow you must seek change.

Identify who you desire to become.
When you have identified what changes, you would like to make in your life, it’s time to identify who you want to become. Are you looking to become healthier? Make more money? Build stronger relationships? As you identify your new vision, write a vision statement of who it is you are seeking to become. For example, “I want to be a healthier, more alive, and more energetic individual, so that I can live a long, healthy life and enjoy my children for a long time.”

Visualize the new you.
To be successful with change you need to learn how to visualize what the new you will look like. Creative visualization requires creating mental imagery of what you desire for yourself. If you are desiring a healthier you, imagine that healthy person looking at you. What is she or he doing? Are you at the gym? Are you loving how you look in that new bathing suit? Bring your desires and images for the new you to your mind often. You should think of these desires as if they already exist. Believe that you are already healthy and look amazing right now. Focus on this vision and immerse yourself in that feeling often.

Put some action into your desires.
Big time goals don’t ever become a reality just because they exist in your mind and you believe in them. You must put action into what you want. If you want that smaller waist, thinner thighs, and abs of steel, you must hit the gym and be conscious of the food you eat. You need to take little steps.  Go for a thirty-minute walk. Substitute water for sugary drinks. Start small. Don’t run a marathon in a day or starve yourself. By building simple habits you will change your life in big way. Changing your life does not happen overnight. It happens because of little changes you implement every day.

If you have already failed to keep your New Year’s resolutions, it’s okay. The goals and dreams you had set out for yourself this year are not lost. Start again. Setting new goals and implementing change does not need to happen only in January. Life goals can be executed every day anytime of the year! If you are pursuing your goals, remember to treat the change process like a marathon and not a sprint.  Put action into your dreams or goals. Be patient and enjoy the process, and don’t forget to believe that everything is possible for you! Until next time, Believe. Change. Become!

Monday, February 25, 2019

Why We Should Not Avoid Our Negative Emotions

The avoidance of negative emotions has been said to be the shortest path to happiness and joy,
 but if you don’t deal with negative emotions they may cause psychological problems, 
which in the long run may postpone true joy.
—Nancy Salmeron

Have you ever felt that you needed to cry but didn’t understand why? You look around, count your blessings, see how lucky you are to have a wonderful life and feel guilty about these confusing emotions that linger in your heart. This may be because you have suppressed or avoided negative, unpleasant emotions. As an advocate of positive self-talk and optimism I understand how our mind and our thoughts play with our emotions and how we must conquer negative emotions. However, I also understand that negative emotions should be acknowledged and felt. They serve a purpose and can help us grow. Yes, being happy should be our goal, but sadness, pain, and discomfort are stepping stones to happiness. Nothing is ever wasted. We need to appreciate all our emotions and pay attention to what our negative emotions are trying to tell us. For the most part, I believe that emotions that bring us discomfort are only trying to heal us. 
Yes, avoiding painful emotions can bring a quick fix to the present moment, but just because we suppress or hide them does not mean they disappear, they will eventually surface. Negative emotions don’t feel good, but they also make us feel alive. I have learned that when I try to avoid painful emotions, I never fully heal. The avoidance of negative emotions has been said to be the shortest path to happiness and joy, but if you don’t deal with negative emotions they may cause psychological problems, which in the long run may postpone true joy. Avoidance of painful emotions is a short-term solution for long-term pain. As I try to heal myself and understand what all my emotions are trying to tell me, I am reminded that avoidance of painful feelings will make matters worse. Emotional avoidance involves not dealing with the truth. If we see weeds in our garden, we can’t say they don’t exist. When we acknowledge that they exist, we are better prepared to pull them out. As you seek within and accept your wounds, see them for what they are, and you will know how to heal them. As I accept that shit happens, things fall apart, and I must deal with painful emotions, I see beauty. I see how beautiful and resilient the soul becomes if you let it immerse itself in the pain. Give your soul the opportunity to grow by uncovering the pain and trying to understand the lessons you need to learn from your pain. All of us encounter negative and painful emotions as part of the human experience. But will you choose to embrace disappointment, sadness, and despair, or will you choose to ignore these emotions? Here are some ideas on how to embrace negative emotions. They have a message for you and are here to teach you something about yourself and life.

Make the choice to welcome all emotions.
Happiness and joy are the easiest emotions to accept. These emotions make us feel great. But what about pain and suffering? Why do we avoid them? Suffering and pain are emotions that don’t make us feel good, so we hide from them by ignoring them or use substances to mask the pain. Welcoming and accepting all emotions have advantages. The first advantage is that you see that weeds exist. You are accepting the truth of your situation. The second advantage is that you are giving yourself a chance to do something about the weeds. You are being proactive by acknowledging these emotions.

Why does it hurt?
As you accept the weeds or the pain you need to ask yourself, why does it hurt? You are giving yourself a chance to learn something about your emotions. Become familiar with your pain by discovering why it needed to be there. Does it still need to be there?  Avoidance of pain does not teach you anything. It simply postpones the healing process. Avoiding your negative emotions is like having a deep wound and trying to cover it up with a band-aid. A deep wound needs attention and may need more than a band-aid to heal.

Accept the pain so you can grow.
Once you have welcomed all your emotions and understand why it hurts, acceptance is the key to healing. Accepting what is, means you understand that you can handle anything. Negative emotions are not pleasant, but they won’t kill you. Experience them as they are and welcome them into your life as teachers of growth. This is how you should view them. When you accept and learn why a negative emotion has come into your life, you take its power away. You will learn the lesson and grow.

To live a full life is to feel and embrace all your emotions. Pain, sadness, frustration, and anger are all-natural emotions that can teach us how to be better human beings. If you suppress these powerful and important emotions, you are held back from learning who you truly are. Take time and learn and grow with these emotions. Seek professional help if you need to. Painful emotions are here to teach you something about yourself and life. Embrace them. Until next time, Believe. Change. Become.

Sending many blessings and much love your way!

Monday, February 4, 2019

How to Spot a Passive-Aggressive Individual and What to Do About It

I believe that a passive-aggressive individual not only damages their own spirit by hiding their emotions, but also damages the spirit of the victim who is left confused and feeling insane after every interaction.
—Nancy Salmeron
For many years I was a victim of passive-aggressive behavior from others, and I did not know how to handle these individuals. I am proud to finally say that I no longer have the patience or desire to keep these individuals in my life. I may sound unsympathetic, but I had to minimize or eliminate my interactions with such individuals because they would make me feel insane. Passive-aggressive individuals make you feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster. They deny their feelings and are unaware that their body and facial expressions or actions are speaking louder than their words. If you ask them what is wrong as you see them sulk, they will say “Nothing.” When questioned if they are mad, they insist “I am not mad.” They say this even when they are seething inside, rather than being honest. Do you know anybody like this?
 According to Psychology Today, passive-aggressive behavior includes procrastination, lack of follow-through, using the silent treatment, brooding, and feigning lack of knowledge. Passive- aggressive behavior is used by individuals who try to conceal anger and hostility by displaying behaviors that are the opposite of what they say. I am always empathetic to the reasons why individuals exhibit certain behavior. Individuals use passive-aggressive behavior as a shield because they have not learned how to deal honestly with their emotions. They were never taught how to express anger openly, honestly, and directly in relationships. Since they were never empowered to have a voice and were never encouraged to communicate their feelings by being assertive, these individuals use passive-aggressive behavior. I believe that a passive-aggressive individual not only damages their own spirit by hiding their emotions, but also damages the spirit of the victim who is left confused and feeling insane after every interaction. Passive-aggressive behavior consumes the perpetrator with hate, anger, and disappointment that settles and oozes out in subtle ways to the victim, who may be unaware of what he or she has done to deserve such behavior. Passive-aggressive individuals lack the courage to speak up about angry feelings because confrontation generally requires more skill than they have. By denying feelings of anger and disappointment and withdrawing from direct communication, a passive-aggressive individual casts themselves as a victim, while confusing others and making them feel like they are on an emotional roller coaster. Controlling someone else’s emotional response makes the passive-aggressive person feel more powerful, while the other person may feel crazy.
Here is how you can learn if you are dealing with a passive-aggressive individual and what to do about it.

The silent treatment.
Passive-aggressive individuals are very explicit when using the silent treatment. You may see them at a store and they may “accidentally” fail to acknowledge you. This may be random but when you ask them about it, they strongly deny it. You are then left wondering if it was deliberate or accidental. Or they may stop calling you for weeks and leave you wondering what you did wrong. When you ask them about it, they just tell you that they were very busy. Again,  you won’t be able to know if it was deliberate or not.

The subtle, but sarcastic, insults.
We have all experienced direct insults, but subtle insults can be harder to recognize. You may feel that a friend was giving you a compliment, yet when you get a chance to think about it, you realize it was really an insult in disguise. I used to have a friend who used passive-aggressive behavior. She would tell me how she was proud that I was able to change my career and that if she had a husband who supported me like mine did, she could do the same thing. I was left confused about whether she was truly proud of me or jealous.

You feel crazy and confused.
If you have a significant other or friend that makes you feel crazy and confused you may be dealing with a passive-aggressive individual. The words that come out of their mouth do not match their body language and actions. They tell you nothing is wrong, but they won’t call or text you. They tell you they are fine, but you sense they feel rage. They deny even obvious, visible emotions that they have.

The best way I have found for myself to deal with passive-aggressive individuals is to diminish my contact with them or eliminate them from my life. Yes, it sounds very cutthroat, but I don’t have the time for or need their toxicity in my life. Fortunately, the closest people whom I love I don’t have this issue with, so it was not that difficult to distance myself from the passive-aggressive individuals who were in my life. However, if you have a family member or close friend you don’t want to lose, my first suggestion is to not point out their passive-aggressive behavior because at some level they know that they are doing it, and the behavior may escalate. My second suggestion is to learn to ignore the behavior and pretend you did not notice it. When you show them that it does not affect you, they may stop the behavior because there is no reaction from you. If ignoring their passive-aggressive behavior is not possible because of the way they affect you emotionally or psychologically, do what I did and distance yourself as much as you can. It’s your life and you only need people in it that empower you, have the courage to be honest with you, and make you feel amazing when you are with them. If this is not the case with some people, love and respect yourself a little bit more by showing passive-aggressive individuals the door. Until next time, Believe. Change. Become.

Sending many blessings and much love your way!


Monday, January 28, 2019

How to Have More Meaningful Relationships by Becoming More Honest

—Nancy Salmeron
It is my belief that being dishonest about our feelings and emotions causes us pain, which we then mask with food, alcohol, and other drugs. I also believe that those who don’t like to be honest because of the fear of offending others not only hurt themselves but may hurt those who need a dose of honesty. To be honest does not mean to be cruel. To be honest in your relationships is to seek emotional depth and emotional intimacy.  I am not talking about being brutally honest, but about caring enough about your relationship that you are willing to be vulnerable. When you share your true emotions and feelings about how loved ones have impacted you emotionally, you are seeking to heal a wound. You are honest because you care about your relationship and you want to repair some damage that may have occurred. When you are open to honesty, you know that you are worthy of sharing your feelings because you matter.

Seek to express your emotions because you love and want to keep your relationships growing. When you choose to deny or repress your feelings, you are choosing to invite flat, dry, stagnant relationships into your life. On the other hand, if you are willing to be brave and vulnerable and share what is eating you up inside, you have decided to commit to a more alive and vigorous relationship. When you keep your feelings in control to win the approval of others or to minimize the hurt or anger of others, you will eventually hurt yourself. The lie you tell yourself is that all these emotions are dormant, and you are in control, but eventually these emotions will surface in suppressed anger or displaced rage. When you express how you truly feel in an appropriate way, problems and relationship issues get resolved, and your life becomes better. Today, let’s talk about the gift of honesty and how all our relationships can prosper and grow when we seek emotional sincerity and vulnerability.

To be honest is to be authentic.
Being honest about what you feel is part of self-love. It is the act of knowing that you matter and that the way others treat you is important. Being honest is about confidence and intimacy in your relationships. When you disregard honesty and hide your feelings, you are telling yourself that you are not worthy of your feelings. When you share your truth and others don’t respond with empathy and understanding, it may be time to let people go. Being honest is not about being cruel, but about seeking to improve your relationships by becoming vulnerable.

When we are not honest, we hide from our truth.
We may hide our emotions to protect other people’s feelings. Or we may hide them because we fear abandonment by others if they see our true selves. Or perhaps we want to avoid conflict and keep the peace. When we are not honest in our relationships, we are not willing to invest in our truth or become vulnerable. Dishonest individuals don’t like to share their truth because they may not want to be vulnerable, or they are afraid of being controlled by others. If you feel an individual is dishonest, why are you investing time in this relationship?

Be honest and speak your pain.
Don’t abuse yourself. If someone does something that brings you pain or discomfort, speak your mind. When you don’t speak your mind, you will be misaligned with who you truly are. When you keep your truth to yourself, you tell yourself that you don’t matter and that your emotions are not important. Please, say what you feel even if it makes others feel uncomfortable. If they love you, they will empathize, and your relationship will be stronger. If they don’t validate your feelings, let them go.

Our most important relationships thrive on honesty. To be honest in your relationships, you must be willing to be vulnerable. Relationships where honesty is the main goal help you feel secure, comfortable, and supported. As you go through life, remember that by being honest you show others that you are worthy of being treated with kindness and respect. When you are willing to share your feelings with others, you are telling them that your relationship matters, and you want it to grow. I do not mean you should be brutally honest. I mean you should be vulnerable with your emotions. As you become more willing to express your truth, you may promote change in your relationship. This may require patience. Love yourself and practice expressing your feelings so that you and your relationships may grow. Until next time, Believe. Change. Become.

Sending many blessings and much love your way!


Monday, January 21, 2019

How to Learn from Our Emotions

“Being able to recognize and feel our emotions can lead to a more resilient life.”
—Nancy Salmeron
What is making you feel sad? What emotions or feelings have you not expressed to people who have hurt you? What do you wish you could tell those who have caused you pain or disappointment?
You can’t avoid anger, disappointment, sadness, or pain if you are alive. If you try to avoid, ignore, or distance yourself from these emotions, they intensify. Fear, anger, pain, or what some call “negative emotions” have a bad rap, but they are not necessarily bad.  They may cause some inner discomfort, but when we listen to what they are trying to teach us they make us stronger and wiser.  Therefore, I call them “growth emotions” instead of “negative emotions.” I know it’s difficult for us to be open about our growth emotions. I, too, have felt the heartache of not being honest about what I feel. I have held on to fear or pain because I have felt I was unworthy or that I would not be listened to or understood. I have kept my “growth emotions” hidden because I have felt unloved or unwanted. I have hidden my anger and pain because I lacked vulnerability or trust in others to share what was tormenting my heart. I know what holding your pain inside does to you physically and spiritually. I know the feeling of walking on eggshells to keep the peace with those who have hurt us. There are many other reasons why you may be hiding your emotions. You may feel that if you share your feelings you will be humiliated. You may think sharing your pain is cowardly or others will think you are foolish. But it’s more foolish to believe that you can succeed in life by keeping growth emotions hidden from others. You may keep your growth emotions hidden for a while, but fear, anger, and pain never truly disappear on their own. They reappear in other aspects of your life. If ignored, these emotions can transform themselves into depression, sadness, and anxiety. Here are some tips on how you can recognize and express your “negative” emotions so that they can become emotions of prosperity and growth.

Identify your emotions.
Identifying your “growth emotions” takes practice. Name your feeling. Are you angry, fearful, or sad? Why is this feeling showing up? For example, are you feeling jealous that your best friend is hanging out with a new friend? You don’t have to tell your friend that you feel jealous about her new relationship. The important thing is that you recognize your emotion. Ask yourself why you feel jealous about your friend’s relationship with someone else. It may be that you feel you will lose your friend. Figure out what you are truly afraid of. Accept your emotion as an understandable feeling. Yes, it’s okay for you to feel that you are losing your friend because she is not spending the same amount of time with you, but don’t blame her for what you are feeling. And don’t judge yourself for feeling jealous either. What you are feeling is normal.

Explore your emotions.
Don’t let your emotions consume you. There may be times when all you needed was to recognize or put a name to your feelings. Are you fearful or disappointed about what someone did? As you identify your feelings you may realize that it is a product of your imagination. Nothing really is happening. Your emotion is based on fear. If you feel it is necessary to clarify your emotions and you need to explore them with someone else, please do so. But be very mindful of who you become vulnerable with. Be sure you trust this person with whom you are sharing your pain.  

Express your emotions.
Once you have processed what you are feeling, decide if you need to express your emotion. You may need to confront the person who has caused you pain or disappointment. If this is the case, set up a time to discuss the problem. When you set up a time to discuss issues you can focus on the problem one-hundred-percent. Use “I” when you are confronting the person who has hurt you. For example, if you are upset because you partner forgot that you had a date planned, don’t tell him or her that they are rude or disrespectful for forgetting the date. Instead tell them, “I feel that you don’t respect or care about my feelings when you forget that we had a date.” Tell them what feeling or emotion you felt and why.

Being able to recognize and feel our emotions can lead to a more resilient life. The need to identify and acknowledge your emotions is essential for emotional growth. If you are not able to shake off tough emotions of fear and sadness and you feel you are stuck, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. It is okay to get the assistance of a counselor or therapist who can guide you in discovering suppressed emotions. Remember, you matter, and your emotions make up who you are. Be mindful of your emotions and know that they are trying to tell you something about who you are. Until next time, Believe. Change. Become.

Sending many blessings and much love your way!