“Don’t let your ego-driven thoughts take you away from what is happening in the moment.”
“I’ve been dealing with a great deal of uncertainty, fear, and jealousy in my relationship with my husband,” my friend told me as we sat together for breakfast last week.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“I don’t like how he becomes very attentive with one of my closest girlfriends when she’s around. He becomes very friendly, and it’s making me uncomfortable,” she responded.
“Have you told him how you are feeling?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said “and he has apologized for his actions which make me feel uncomfortable. I believe him when he tells me that he has no motive except to be welcoming to my friend. I know he loves me and that I should not feel this way, yet the fear of him being unfaithful or falling in love with someone else has consumed me. How should I handle this? What should I do?” she asked me.
“Understanding jealousy is the first step,” I answered. “Jealousy is a reaction to external circumstances that make you feel threatened. If your husband continues to pay attention to your friend, you fear that you might lose him. You’re feeling that you are not good enough, and you’re insecure in your relationship. Perhaps you’re lacking a close connection with your husband. I believe you took a positive step when you shared your fears with your husband. Now he’s aware of your feelings, and he’ll be more cautious about the way he interacts with your friend. I know he loves you, and I believe that he never intended to make you feel fearful or jealous on purpose. Our ego gets fuel from our fearful thoughts. Our thoughts fueled by fear make us see things that aren’t really there. You’ve been through a great deal of stress. Currently, you’re feeling emotionally drained with thoughts of low self-worth. So, you are very sensitive to everything he says or does. Work on communicating your doubts and fears to him. Tell him that you’re very sensitive right now and need extra assurance that he loves you until you can fully see your self-worth. Tell him that you trust him and know that you must work on the negative thoughts that are bringing you down. In the end, you can’t control what he does, but you can control how you react to his behavior. To overcome the negative thoughts, you must not be afraid of loss. You’re fearful of something that exists only in your head; nothing is lost in this current moment. Remember, we must be mindful of our thoughts and fears because you may be seeing things that don’t exist now but could become real if you continue to focus on them. You have the power to create anything in your life. Why don’t you focus on creating more love, peace, and harmony in your relationship? I know your husband loves you deeply, and he would never do anything to hurt you.”
Today, let’s talk about how fear-based thoughts can destroy relationships and how to identify thoughts based on fear and shut them down in their tracks!
What is causing these fear-based thoughts?
What is making you feel fearful? In my friend’s case it was the idea that she could lose her husband. She was feeling insecure about her relationship with her husband. Do thoughts of not being good enough or rejection come to mind. Are you afraid that you are not smart enough to be a business owner? Are wondering if you are worthy of a relationship you are in? These are fear-based thoughts. These thoughts exist because you believe you are unworthy of success or happiness.These thoughts should be ignored because they only exist in your head, they are not real. You are smart enough to be a business owner and anybody would be lucky to have you! What fearful thoughts are consuming you and why? Go deep and identify the why .
Who would you be without these fear-based thoughts?
When I asked my friend this question, she told me that she would be at peace. Fearful thoughts take away from joy, and the ego mind is addicted to negative thoughts. These thoughts fuel and elevate the ego’s purpose. They make the ego feel important. When you try to kill these thoughts in their tracks, your ego fights back by showing you what might happen in the future if you don’t take action on the negative thoughts. Notice negative thoughts, say thank you to them for showing up, and send them away. Realize who you would be without these fearful thoughts.
Everything is happening in your head.
Nothing is happening outside of you. When fearful thoughts show up, realize that they are just thoughts. What you fear is not happening outside of your mind. You are a creator of your future, and the future happens moment by moment. Stay optimistic and find true joy in every moment. What will be will be, and you are strong enough to handle anything that life throws at you.
We are in a constant war within ourselves. The war is the fight between the ego and our soul. We can control the ego by listening to it but not being consumed by it. The ego’s intentions are to protect us from all the bad things that could happen to us. The ego is unaware that fear is not a good source to follow. When you are dealing with fear or jealousy, ask yourself: “How do I really know this is true? Is this event I fear happening right know? And who would I be without these fearful thoughts?” Accept yourself as you are, and never feel that you are not enough. Until next time, Believe. Change. Become.
Sending blessings and love your way!